2017 Family Vacation to Oahu - Thoughts

March 19, Sunday Adventure: Jake (almost 18),  Andi (almost 55), Sami (19) - Kualoa Ranch

March 17, Friday Adventure - How We Spent St. Patrick's Day:  Luau, and Breath of Life Fire Show

I am still recovering from Jake's and my big adventure to Oahu to visit Sami.  This was definitely one of those 'once in a lifetime' adventures (I hope I am proved wrong) for all three of us.  The trip was planned last November, and we had lots of time to think, research, etc. Well one of us took that opportunity.  It was also helpful having our own tour guide, Sami, who knew all the hot places to go.

Since I shared lots of photos on Facebook so I am only sharing the two above.

Jake is a senior this year, so this was his grad present.  And, I haven't seen Sami's campus, or her dorm, or any of those 'move in opportunities' that other parents get when their kid goes off to college.  This was that trip and it was so wonderful to see 'my baby girl' in her 'first time living away from home' life.  Wow.  She just loves being on the island and she is thriving. 

 Our trip was full of all sorts of adventures.  Not just our daily 'outings' but mishaps as well.  Driving a rental car, in a city whose street names you can't pronounce had some major challenges.  It was very frustrating driving around Honolulu.  I was frustrated, Jake was frustrated, Sami was frustrated.  Sami drove when ever possible. 

And some days were a little harder to get motivated than others.  I was actually sick the entire time - I took my cold with me to Hawaii. I was perfectly happy just being in the sun, in the heat, doing absolutely nothing.  It felt great.  The humidity actually helped me breath better than in the hotel air conditioning, where I would have coughing fits. 

We did good.  My favorite part was just being a fly on the wall and listening to Sami and Jake together.  They were amazing.  They interact so well.  My heart was happy just being near the two of them, capturing some of their conversations, and just having those moments.

You probably are guessing that my 'empty nest' emotions are peaking and I am having some difficulty realizing how close we each are to living our own lives.  It is hard.  But I also am proud and relieved that they 'can do it'. 

I hope we get to do this again.  It would be great to experience adventures together at different stages of their lives - college years (which we are now entering), married years, with their babies, etc.  All of those milestones.

I sure hope I have that chance.

Testing My Mommy Skills - When The Flu Hits

Emergency Room Visit One Fine Snowy Night in Late February

It's been a rough few days around our little casa.

Today, driving home from picking up Jake's meds, I got very emotional and cried.  I know I am tired from the last few days.  And I just want to Thank God, literally, for getting me through another one of those 'parenting on your own' trials.  I did pray my friends.  I was on my knees yesterday morning and I prayed last night when I finally crawled into bed.   Just so no one is freaking out right now, all is good.  All is good.


Here's the long story: 
I started getting sick last Thursday, with a nasty headache and stomach ickies.  The nasty part lasted four days. It still comes and goes, to be honest, but on an 'I can live with this' level.

Then Jake started getting sick Saturday morning.  High fever, body aches.  Stayed in bed all day, and took about 4 showers a day to be comfortable.  We did cold towels to the head, some ibuprofen, and hung out. But it kept going, and going, and going.  On the first day, you tell yourself, 'this will pass'.  On the second day, you start to wonder what the heck is going on, and on the third, fear strikes.

On Sunday we talked about going to the doc.  He wanted to wait another day.  Ug. He fears the doctor's office.  Such a man.  So.. we agreed. One more day.

So, bright and early Monday morning, we pow-wowed.  I would go to work for a 1/2 day, then take him to the Doc. I worried all morning while I was gone. When I got home, he said he was fine.  And, he truly seemed fine.  However, that evening?  He got worse. High fever again, and body shaking worse.  Even in that state, he wanted to negotiate for another day before seeing the doc.  I had enough. I told him we would both sleep better if we just went in to find out what was going on.

At 7pm we went to the ER.  Best decision ever.  We drove through a snow event (not quite a storm, just enough to make driving a pain in the ass in the dark) and got to our friendly ER in Baker, Oregon.  We got right in.  Temp reading was 102... and after all the symptom checking, a culture was taken (tube up his nose) and the lab test for flu was positive.  Thermaflu was administered on sight, and then off we went home with our doctor's orders. We were both in bed at 10.  It was the first night Jake got some rest.  I peeked in on him this am - touched his forehead, and he felt good. Phew.

However, also this fine Tuesday morning, I had to deal with the pharmacy, back in Baker.  It didn't open until 9am - which is an eternity when your kid is sick.  And, when I arrived, right on the dot at 9am, they said they wouldn't have it ready for an hour.  Which is ten times eternity.

I hate the flu.  I feel this all could have been prevented if Jake had a flu shot.  At least his symptoms would have been to a lesser degree.

However, the  father of my children has our two teens convinced that a flu shot is a bad choice, in addition to ibuprofen and any doctor's remedy.

As their mother, I feel I failed by not pushing harder. 

I realize they are now old enough to make their own health decisions. Yet, I promise I will work harder to advocate for yearly flu vaccines.

I think Jake will be an easy sell.  Too bad it had to be through his own experience.

Wishing for Peace for Grace

Comfort Food - Grandma's Chicken Soup - Today, for my Soul

Us - A good 35 or so years ago

Us - A Year Ago

Grace Walsh.  January 20, 2017

My mother is dying.  She is slowly dwindling away, getting smaller and smaller each day.  She used to weigh a lot - I am guessing close to 170 pounds, at 4 foot 11, and now she is less than 100.   She is only 74 years old.  Or is it 75?  Cancer of the liver.  Diabetes. 

This has been a slow painful process for her and us.  Obviously, she carries the most physical pain.  For us?  An emotional roller coaster.  Guilt.  Frustration.  Trying to let go of all the past.  Hoping for peace for her.  

I remember the July day almost two years ago when she sent a message out to all of us that she wanted to die.  She was wanting help with assisted suicide, in a State that did not allow it.   We were all shook up. I sat outside, afterward, on the front door stoop, in a daze.  Wondering 'is this real?'. 

It was.

After she was able to stabilize with new meds, and go into remission, we were offering advice, solutions and the the plea to 'please, get help now before it is too late' with all of her affairs.

My sister Avis has been her caretaker.  She carries all the weight of seeing and dealing with our Mother's decline and series of medical emergencies, emotional ups and downs, the pain, the horror, the sorrow, and now, the heartache and closeness of watching her slip away, day by day.  I pray for Avis daily.  I pray for her continued strength and wish she wasn't doing this alone. 

I called our mother a week ago.  Broke my heart.  She was upbeat, and said she was happy and comfortable in the new home she has been moved to. But she was tired, and had to cut our conversation short.

I did get to tell her I love her. 

I cry off and on... some days are good, some days bad. Thoughts go toward the good memories, moments I hope over power the others that are deeply buried.  Where I hope they remain.  Forever.  Locked away. 

One morning on my drive to work this past week, I kept smelling a beautiful floral scent.  Spring.  Something between oranges and jasmine.  I thought, 'this is it'. This is my mother saying hello before she says goodbye. 

I wish for Peace for my Mother, Grace,  as she travels this last journey here on earth.

Little Foxy Card

Card being sent in the mail this week

Covering the sentiment - so there is at least one element of surprise!

Rosie, napping in the sunshine on my bed - I love it when I can stay home and enjoy the light coming in the windows

Today was a 'stay home until 11 am and craft - then go ski - sneak in a power nap and then go out to dinner in town'  type of day.

In other words, a perfectly well spent day off.  I even got the laundry done, cleaned up after a couple teens and organized my One Little Word supplies for this year's workshop.  My travel bags are almost packed (in case I have to stay over in La Grande with the next storm). Talk about feeling productive!  Heck yeah!

The card above was made with the Lawn Fawn stamps.  I've been on a 'fox' kick lately - most of the gifts I sent for Christmas had a fox theme, and I of course gifted some to me and Sami.  Coffee cups, linens, and crafty goodies. 

Hope your weekend was fun and relaxing and full of sunshine!

Gonna Miss Her When She's Gone - Sending Sami Off. Again

My two.  Love the towel on Sami's head.  I'm going to miss the banter and laughter between these two.  I threatened Jake that this would be his Senior photo if he didn't start cooperating on the photo shoots I am trying to arrange!

Sami and her Bestie, Christmas Eve

Another great Christmas Eve shot - that darn mouth game!

So.. it's Saturday, Jan. 14th, 2017.
Sami and are are to leave in 10 minutes for Boise.  I am all packed and ready.
She?  Is not. 
I had asked her to clean her room before she left, and pack up any items in bags that we can give away.
Has that happened, yet?
Nope.
Her room is a total disaster.

That's ok.  I can secretly enjoy the sounds of her moving around in the house for a bit more.

We will leave for Boise, once she is ready.
Stop for Sushi in Eagle, and have some 'just you and me' time. Which has been minimal with her social schedule. 
Check in to our hotel. And hang out.
Then tomorrow morning I will take her to the Airport and say goodbye as she goes back to Hawaii for her 2nd semester as a Freshman at HPU.

So.. this time tomorrow I should be driving back.
Perhaps a little gloomy and sad.
But overall, happy she is again, off on her adventure.

Thanks for listening.

Oh.. in other news?  Jake got accepted to Montana State University.
He doesn't think he will go.  He is waiting to hear from Boise State.  Which is fine!!!!!!!!!!
Please... Boise.. Please, please please.

Sympathy Card and Thoughts January 14, 2017

A Card made for Bonnie, in memory of Gene

One of my favorite neighbors died recently.  So, I made this card, and took it over to his wife, Bonnie, along with some homemade chicken soup.  We visited for a while.  It was earlier this week, January 9th.  The sky was clear and for once amidst all the latest snow storms, it was a lovely, quiet night.  Perfect for the short walk and time of peace.

Gene was a wonderful man.  A local artist, cowboy and great story teller.  He - Gene, and his wife -Bonnie, have lived in the Baker area for quite a few years, except for a ten-year stint to work in Wyoming as well as central Oregon.  He has driven a mule train for various events, made bronze sculpture, painted many western themes, and had a gentle heart. He was part of the horse crew when Painted Wagon was filmed in Baker. 

One of our first years here, in town, he walked across the street, on ice, on Christmas Day, leaning on his cane, and brought us a gift - one of his art pieces.  It is of a mamma bear and two cubs. I am very lucky to have received it and will cherish it always. The kids and I used to visit him in his little studio, which has a woodstove, and is adjacent to his home.  That is where he would share his stories, and art with us and latest projects.  He had a miniature wagon team that he made, and various projects in the works.

I hate losing people. It hits me hard.  Makes me cry.  Makes me sad.  I am not attached to very many human beings, mainly because I have a low tolerance for choices people make that I think are unforgivable, like bigotry, or adultery, and even gossip about one's supposed friends, spouses or even co-workers.  Therefore, my list of people that I truly admire is, well, short. 

Rest in Peace, Gene. 
You will be missed.

A few Holiday Photos from December 2016 - and Letting Go

One of my favorite ornaments

Favorite outdoor decor

My favorite apron

Our favorite egg nog - only found once!  We could not find eggnog in the stores the week of  Christmas. HUMBUG!

My favorite smart ass kid

My favorite girl came home!!!! 

My favorite friend (BFF) sent this pillow - the third in a series of my fa la la collection from her

And of course, my favorite past time... Playing in my crafty space

NOT my favorite drive this time of year.  It's been a rough commute these past few weeks

Wrapped up goodies to send off to those that live far away

Favorite Santa

My favorite guy and party host.  Christmas Eve

Love my kids.  Love our friends.  Love Christmas Eve.  This was the best day ever.

Who doesn't love Prime Rib?

Or Rum cake?

Or a great game that makes you look silly while trying to talk?

What's not to Love?

Loved the quiet moment outside sunshine on Christmas Morning.

Love this darn cat!  She kept attacking ornaments and things while we opened our gifts

Yep.  Love him. 17 years old and a senior

Love her.  Soon to be 19, and a Freshman at HPU.  Congrats on her 3.57 GPA!!!

Still loving my little house - snow and all

So.. yes.  Christmas and New Years are now behind us.
It's January 2nd. The tree came down today, all the pine needles have been vacuumed  up and the decor packaged up one box that said 'Christmas in a Box, 2016'.  I kept the indoor decor simple this year.
One Box.
I probably have about 10 or so in storage. And those are just for Christmas.

I am feeling the weight of things and am ready to start purging what I do not need.  But, will save that for another post.  Words below basically lead up the weight I have been carrying and my current feeling of needing to 'let go' and the need to release (2017 OLW).

December had it's highs and it certainly had some lows.
It was a month of extremes.
So. I am just going to warn you right now.  Below are the hard things that happened.  This is going to be a downer, and somewhat of a purge for me, so, if you don't want to be exposed to my baggage, now would be a real good time to stop reading, and just move along. At times I write as a form of therapy, and to get stuff out of my head.

******************************
 Picking up Sami mid-month when she arrived in Boise was an emotional drain on both of us. I had a 2.5 hour drive, through some shitty weather, which, this time of year, is the norm.  Got a hotel room for us, and then waited for her flight.  She was stuck in LA for 12 hours.  We communicated back and forth the entire time.  She was put on three different planes, each of which, never left.  Her layover was only to be an hour.  So, the result? An 18 year old, on her own, who, finally at 2:30 am was  put up in a hotel by the airline, and she successfully navigated her way back and forth.  She had to return to the airport 2 hours later to try to catch a 7am flight, which also ended up being messed up, by the same airline.  Ug. By the time we got to see each other, we both cried.  OH my...I hadn't seen her since mid August.  Four months.
Enough of that.

Then there was the email exchange between my sister Avis and I, after I reached out to say 'how are things and did you get my package'?  I found out my mother was recently moved to Sacramento, I think two weeks earlier (which was a long time coming - Thank God she is no longer where she was), and later, from my sister Paula, I learned she fell, had broken a few ribs, and' stuff'.  I had sent her Christmas gift to the only address I had for her.  I still don't know if she got her gift.  There is no communication. It's hard for my sister, I know that.  She is doing the best she can, with what she has. Which, does not include me. 
Enough of that.

Then there was that really messed up week right before Christmas.
Monday?  A 'procedure' on my left breast.  Second one. Nothing serious.  Just pain, and wanting it all to go away. It still flares up.  Getting older sucks.
Tuesday?  Roads closed due to snow. I was watching since about 3am since my phone kept blowing up with emergency alerts.  Exhausting.
Friday?  Ha ha ha.  White out on commute.  Drove off the interstate, somewhere at the top of the mountain.  Into the median - which is nice buffer of land.  Put in 4WD, waiting to see, got back on the interstate, and drove through more shit for about another 30 minutes until I got to work.  And that was how the day started. Needless to say, it was NOT a good brain engaged day.
Thank God the weekend came, and it was Christmas Eve and Christmas.
Our celebrations were the best!

Then the really bad weather hit, and more road closures, and warnings to not drive, and white knuckling it over and over and over and over when I could drive. And for some reason my eyes were hurting real bad after my drive.  Headaches, strain, right eye weeping.  So.. I went to the eye doc, and my glasses were NOT adjusted correctly from when I picked them up a month ago.  They were way off! My right eye wasn't using the right prescription - when I needed to see up close.



Phew.  

As you can imagine, I am so thankful to put December behind me.  And I am thankful for this new year of new dreams, fresh starts, daily do overs, and the fact that the days are getting longer!!!!!!!!

My outdoor Christmas lights will remain on until perhaps mid-February.  Hopefully, by then, there will be a little glimmer of light when I get home from the drive.

If you read through all of this, thank you for hanging in there.  I tell myself 'it could always be worse'.  That is what gets me through the really bad days.
Thank God for the really good ones though!
XO

Giving Thanks - A Card for Auntie Rachel and #dailymarker30day

Thursday Morning Before Work:  Bright and Early Project! I colored the background

Saturday - Worked to get the card done

Pens, Ink, Washi Supplies

Final Card: Giving Thanks for You

As mentioned before, I am following Kathy's #dailymarker30day challenge.

The first photo is from coloring the Hero Arts background stamp on day #17 of the challenge, with Thanksgiving in mind. 

And, today, day 19, I finished the card. The background morphed quite a bit, eh?

I used Vintage Photo Distress Ink to turn it brown.

This card is actually getting sent to my Aunt Rachel.  She sent a beautiful box of my Grandma Marina's treasure to me: a knit sweater that my Grandma made (it fits beautifully), one of my Grandma's crocheted doilies, another recipe of my Grandmothers (to add to my collection), and a lovely letter from my Aunt on how all of these things made their way to me.

What a treasure.  My Grandmother died earlier this year, in January, at the well lived aged of 104.  She was one amazing woman.  I traveled to California  and was able to see a lot of my Campos relatives, including my mother Grace.  The time and celebration spent with everyone will be treasured for many, many years.  We celebrated in Monterey, right on the ocean.  And we did a lot of story telling, many while drinking martini's in my little cottage room. 

Anyway, here are the supplies used for getting this card done!
Ranger Archival Ink - Potting Soil (used for stamped images)
A variety of Copic pens
Micron .03
Precision Pen .05
Doodlebug Designs 'Fall Flurry' Washi Tape
Hero Arts CG679 Graphic Leaves Background Stamp (Found out this was part of a Basic Grey collaborative - there used to be matching patterned papers!)
Paper Smooches Fall Sampler stamps: Leaf, and sentiment
Simon Says Stamp Giving Thanks Steel Craft Die
Bo Bunny Farmers Market journal card (behind the Giving Thanks die image)

Well Spent Craft Time: Hero Arts Scramble & Kathy's 30 Day Color Challenge

Oh glorious craft time.  I have been stalking Kathy's 30 Day Color Challenge and finally decided to give it a try. I do not color well. When 'stamping' started entering the whole Copic marker blending thing, and water color thing, and then the lettering thing - I was left it the dust.   

But I do appreciate all the beautiful work others do!

So.. while I was searching for inspiration, I remembered my friends at the Hero Arts Flickr site, and paid them a visit.  And low and behold, I landed on a 24 hour scramble!  Ta Da!

There's nothing like a challenge to get me motivated.

Here are the challenges:
Kathy's 30 Day Coloring Challenge
Hero Arts Scramble #144


Here are my photos and steps:

I started by stamping a few images with different color Stazon Inks

I worked on one of the Hero Arts 657780  images. My colored image is on the left, the stamp is in the middle and the die to cut it out with is on the right.  My pens are shown below them.

Close up of my image.  I wasn't worried about going out of the lines because of the die

.  See?  I don't color!

My image added to a card I put together. Yes.  Brown. Just felt right.

A little side view to capture the depth, the use of Versmark for the snowflakes, and the glitter tree

I will not tell you how long this took me.  First, I found a good number of my inks and pens were dried out, and I had to dig deep through my supplies - including dusting off ink pads!  Oh. and the stamp/die set?  First time I have used it since buying it - in 2014?  Ha.

  But, since crafting counts as therapy, it was time well spent!

Supply List:
Hero Arts Stamp & Die Cut 657780 (Stamps: reindeer, tree, snowflake; reindeer die)
SU Heat and Stick Powder (so the glitter would stick)
SU Dazzling Diamonds glitter
Card Stock
Versamark
SU Craft White Ink
Stazon Black
Micron .03
Copics Y21, E33, 0
Uniball White Pigment Ink pen
Sharpie - Extra fine point - Red
Glossy Accents
A sequin star

And that is that!

Super Moon Set - And Thoughts.

For some reason I popped out of bed around 4:30 am, went to start my dishes and coffee routine,  and while standing in front of the kitchen window, I saw the moon. There it was.  Just getting ready to set. I wish I could of captured the sight I saw in that perfect moment.  Right above the mountains, but here is what I was able to get.  I grabbed my camera and caught these few shots before it went to bed.  I felt lucky to start my day this way.  You can click on the photos to make them bigger.  I think my lense was fogging up from going from the nice warm house out into the 32 degree cold.

Thoughts on this week: 
The low lights: 
First there was the time change - which really messed me up - even though I am a morning person.  The only thing I can figure is I have this habit of waking around 2 or 3 am, and usually I go back to bed, and wake at 5.  This week? I just stayed up. I was off. Then the election results which truly were a shock.  Like an unexpected death.  This was followed by ugly words of others on social media, protests, fear and violence.  Then? The death of Leonard Cohen and his song Hallelujah played over and over, with the best (and very emotional) version being sung last night on Saturday Night Live (btw the Shrek version plays on repeat in my head).  

It didn't end there.  On Friday morning I contacted a local dealership via their website, even 'chatted' with someone about a car I wanted to test drive.  I never heard a word via the phone or email.  I am guessing I spoke with an autobot of some sort. But crap!  I filled out an inquiry sheet with all my info and sent it!  I feel like I am selling myself my own car with the effort I am taking versus the effort the salesmen are taking.  There are three cars that I 'see' between two dealerships.  Are they making the effort?  Hell no. This really pisses me off. I mean, the cars are in the 20 to 30 thousand range. Come on, put some work into this!  I feel like I just need to show up, ask for the keys, drive the car, and collect the commission myself.

And then.... I tried calling my mother, my birth mother, yesterday.  I called at a decent hour. Ten am.  Her birthday is Monday.  I sent two gifts to her, and I wanted to give her a heads up they were on their way, and personally wish her a happy birthday.  I left a message with her roommate.  I never heard back from her.  I am hoping it's because he forgot.  Not that she is blowing me off. This is that back and forth thing we do.  Its frustrating.  Its heart breaking (what she is enduring in this stage of her cancer).  I try to let it go. I try to be understanding and forgiving.  I do try.

And.... then?  My landlord texted last night.  Nice head's up, eh? Well, 4:30 pm.  He said he was coming over today, Sunday, at 8 am or 9 am to work on the eaves.  First.  Why the eaves?  Why not the electrical issue I reported months ago?  Or the roof that has about 10 or so missing shingles?  No Shit. Eaves.  He is coming today, on Sunday. My 'stay at home' in my jammies day.  Not any of my workdays, Monday through Friday when I am gone 12 hours of the day.  Pisses me off.  Only because I am very protective of my personal time. It's 8:30 am right now.  I am doing my own little protest.  I am still in my jammies and refuse to accommodate the poor planning of others.  

So that was the majority of the Super Moon shift. 

Now for the highlights:
My daughter sent a 'GUESS WHAT' text during the week.  It appears she has more scholarship money than she thought, and her expenses have been reduced dramatically.
Hallelujah. 
Friday was a beautiful, warm, sunny, magnificent day.  I stayed home and worked in the yard.  Hallelujah. 
Saturday?  A little more sunshine and beauty.  A little more yard work and a whole lot of craft time and book time (A Man Called Ove).
Hallelujah.
This morning?  A very sweet love note from my man.  Very sweet!
Hallelujah.
And, an 'I love you' from my son on his way out the door at 7am.
Hallelujah.
And of course, that beautiful moon.  Just sitting there.  On top of the mountain ridge.  Before setting.
Hallelujah.

Sigh... Peace.  Peace to us all.