2023 December Daily : Monday December 5th

 

Monday's Morning Adventure

This word keeps showing up for me!

Again. Hope. 

This is Dukey!

This is Carly

Sami and Lane's Dirt Road to get to their house.
Sloppy and Sloshy!

The good? 

Alan E. brought us a Christmas Tree!

I also visited Sami's critters to make sure they are ok. Mr. Kitters did not have water or food again!

Smart me realized (when I was almost home) that I should but out 2 or three bowls of water! Duh.

The bad? 

The tree is still outside. I have no energy to get it and set it up and water it every single day.

And Phil's very bad morning..... 

Hope...

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The morning on this Monday was a bad for Phil. He had taken a pain pill/meds the night before and it gave him bad dreams. And, he is 'spinning' in his head. Death. Radiation not working. What if this is it? Tired of being in pain. Tired. I asked him if he wanted me to stay. If he wanted me to drive him to his appointment for fluids. He said no. 

I went to work. He called at 8am. Said he needed me.

On the way home Katie and Jenna called me - conference call. Phil had called all his girls saying he was struggling. We all agree he needs all hands on deck, so to speak. I shared my fears and frustrations. He has all the meds and food he needs, but wants to do it his way. Sets him back. 

He is spinning in his head. And getting anxious about the Pet Scan next week. 7 days a way. 

Depression.

When I took him to Bootsma for fluids he perked up. Chatty. With the girls and on the phone the whole time chatting with guys. This is frustrating for me. He shows up for everyone else. I get the down.

I ran errands while he was getting his infusion. Tires to storage. Grab the Christmas stuff out of storage. Get gas. Get his meds. Get the soups and electrolytes he and nurses at Bootsma are recommending and field calls while in the grocery store.  Take calls from Katie. Rush. Let work know it's a home day for me. 

I'm exhausted. 

Crash. 

How to balance all of this?

It exhausts me.... 

Hope. I hope he has a better day today (early Tuesday morning).