More of Us

Little Miss Tommie

Us! New Year's Eve Night

 I've never seen the show 'This is Us' but I did want to share with you, here, Us. Our household.

First, there's Tommie, who will be two this Valentine's Day. She's Phil's 'girl'. His companion on his drives, walks, and trips to the cabin. She's mine too, when I walk up/down the lane, around the 'front 40', and when Phil ditches both of us for one of his adventures. 

Before Cancer, and Covid, Phil would take off for a week to either golf in Arizona or hunt in Texas, or even travel to Salt Lake to spend time with his oldest daughter and her family. Typically, in February.  And he also left for about 3 weeks, right before Thanksgiving to guide. Right now, he still wants 'out' during the winter.  And, we leave next Friday for a 5 week adventure:) (Make that in 3 days!)

Me? Well, I'm the gal behind the pen or behind the camera. Most of the time thinking, pondering, and overthinking and over pondering.  Which is why I am back here, writing. To.Get.It.Out.Of.My.Head

These photos are from New Years Eve. You can see Phil in 'good light' and bad (or real). Capturing the man he portrays when out and about, and a glimpse of the one that is home, in his 'man' chair, exhausted, at the end of the day. That's what the last photo gives you a glimpse of, his 'tired' face. 

He has an evening routine. I think it starts at 3pm. Jump into the hot tub, take a shower, put on his cozy clothes, have a cocktail - all by 4:30 pm. Back into the chair. Then, after dinner, fall asleep in the chair with the TV on. Most Days. 

Why do I share this? Because this is what our new normal is. This living with Cancer. It's the third wheel in the room. The uninvited guest who doesn't listen to social cues, and doesn't leave when it's time to go. And we pretend its not here, taking up space. 

It's the one who takes over the dinner conversation. Or ends up re-planning the day.

It's the one who dictates the food to be eaten or when. 

It controls everything. Throws a wrench into your plans. 

Every three weeks he has a Monday blood draw appointment, and the next day, Tuesday, he has to travel (with a driver) to Fruitland Idaho to get his cancer drug infusion. Then on Thursday, to a local clinic to get his cancer ball removed. 

Today is that Tuesday. 

This is Us.

Thanks Cancer. 

 

Hello 2023! And My One Little Word - Pause

 

Hello, 2023

Good morning dear friends/family,

It's 5:52 am over here in my little world. It's dark dark dark out the window that is in front of my desk. But you know what? The days are getting longer, which is lovely to know. Especially on this 21 degree foggy winter day. 

We did good on our New Years Eve celebration! Dinner at the Elks, a little dancing (yay! we haven't danced in at least a year), and home by 10pm. Heaven. Oh, and no alcohol for me. I wanted to wake up fresh, clear, and at my best. 

Now, onto my New Year intention:

My One Little Word for 2023 is Pause. 

I do have another word that I am sharing with my sisters, 'Soar', which is the practice we we will share each Saturday on our morning zoom calls. 

Why Pause? To take time from the noise, static, life's treadmill, and stay in the moment. To live life during the pause. To stop and think. To breathe through mind-racing thoughts that come at 2 or 3am. 

My first big 'pause' of 2023 is taking 5 weeks off from my full-time job, to be with Phil, my love of 8 years.  We are going on our own adventure (and taking our dog Tommie) to pause life around us. He was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic esophageal cancer, back on June 1st of 2022. He's in a great place right now (treatments have been working!) and we are going to take advantage of this pause in his diagnosis, to do some of the things we said we would do down the road when I retire. But we don't know how much time we have left together, his timeline doesn't change, which is 1-2 years. So, in two weeks, we are heading to Palm Desert, for sunshine, warm days, golf, walks, talks, and precious time together.

 Those are my words to share this morning.

I hope each of you also take time to 'Pause' and take some precious time for yourselves.

Jump off that treadmill.

Peace.